Distinctly Nein

DISTRICTNINE (2009)

Starring: Justin Cope Directed by: Neal BlomfonKampf Rating: R Genre: Action Other

Review This turgid "rethink" of The British Broadcasting Corporation's "The Office" "imagineers" what would happen if a bunch of ne'er do well aliens got stuck in a waiting room that God called "Africa." If your jaw is hanging as slack as mine in disbelief that they're making this YET AGAIN, then give yourself a sweet sweet Nilla wafer. Former Journey guitarist Neal BlomfonKampf ("The Night The Lights Went Down in the City") takes all those 70's heavy metal rock star bucks and converts them to fool's gold krugerands. If he'd bother to put down his "doobie" long enough to learn a bit about the history of film, he would have known that there was a little "flick" in the fifties called "When The Gods Made The Gods Crazy" about... wait for it... a bunch of aliens who fall from an an airplane and... you get the rest. A bit of fatherly advice Mr. BlomfonKampf from someone who's admired your music from afar (an admission - I first made a move on my second cousin on the fold-out rear seat of a VW Squareback to the dulcet tones of Journey's mega-hit "Lady") - if a spaceship could make it across the light years of the galaxy it is highly unlikely it would need to stop for "gas." And even if it did, do you really think that an advanced civilization couldn't figure out that the fossil fuels are concentrated in the MIDDLE EAST?!!! Mr. BlomfonKampf, you committed the cardinal sin of science fiction filmmaking - you forgot the science! That said, there are some lovely performances, including Sharleton Copington's poignant evocation of Boris Karloff ("Targets")  in "The Little House That Was Left" (as a bonus, check THAT one out for chills!).  I may have scolded a bit here, but I encourage Mr. BlomfonKampf to try a couple of commercials to get the hang of this business and return with a fully-baked idea. I'll look forward to it!