The Blonde Leading the Blonde

The Blind Side (2009)

Starring: Sandra Bollock, Chet Atkins, Quintus Virgilius Grammaticus Directed by: "Hancock" Rating: PG-13 Genre: Drama Other: Other-Abledness

Review With the efficiency of a Japanese Lorena Bobbit working the adulterer's table at a Manassas Benihana's the usually workmanlike "Hancock" ("Hancock's Hancock") cuts through the typical Hollywooden nonsense and soars like a great white pigeon against a luminous blue sky. Newcomer Virgilius Grammaticus stars as "Bronco", a former gridiron great who loses his sightedness after trying to go "both ways" in the big game against the big team. Forced into the only life available to the blind - masseusing -  he developes the devastating ability to play both ends against the middle. Through Hancock's masterful montages (underscored by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir's breathtaking polyphonic "Walking on Sunshine") "Bronco" discovers that as long the middle holds, the ends will grow green shoots, and life will not be denied. Sandra Bollock and Chet Atkins are wonderful as Grammaticus' parents who, though initially rejecting him when he trades the pigskin of the football for the goatskin of a massage table, each lend him a single eye so he throw the big pass that makes the scoreboards explode in ecstasy. Just when you thought the sports movie was the runner who stumbled, "Hancock" forces open its lips, runs his tongue around its mouth clearing obstacles and breathes the sweet Orbit-gum-enhanced breath of life into its stunted lungs. Job well done!