Pretty Boy a "Phantom" Does Not Make

Phantom of the Opera (2004)

Starring: Tom Cruise, Kiera Nightly Directed by: William Shoemaker Rating: PG-13 Genre: Drama Other

Review A Warning up front - this is NOT the Lon Chaney version! Instead, director Billy Shoemaker brings us a paean to leather and velvet in this musical (!) version of the old-timey chiller about an scientist who burns off half his face in an attempt to discover the fountain of youth. I'm sorry, but brilliant Tom Cruise (Tequila Sunrise) is wasted under a hockey mask as the phantom. What were the casting directors thinking? Imagine ghoulish Bill Murray or Tony Quinn dramatically uplit and now you've got some goosebumps. Willowy Kiera Nightly (so good as one-half of the mixed race soccer-playing lesbian duo in Bend It To Beacham) has little to do except swoon as Cruise dashes about in his cape trying to appear menacing. The rumor is that he turned down a run as Hamlet in England to take this part as a favor to Shoemaker. These kinds of friends we don't need! Let's leave some of the juicy parts for fabulous goblins like Hector Elizondo, huh Tom?