Cheese-Whiz Royalty Hit the Pool

Lords of Dogtown (2005)

Starring: Keanu Reeves Directed by: Lady Catherine Hardwicke Rating: PG-13 Genre: Drama Other

Review They aren't lords and there is no Dogtown. If you can get over that you just might find yourself entranced by this story of three ne'er-do-wells and their search for the perfect skating wave (as it were). Keanu Reeves (Little Buddha) hits it out of the park as "Spacey" - the smart one. Victor Rasuk is "Cheesey" - who you just know is going to get killed because he's hispanic. And newcomer Emile Hirsch plays "Nacho" - the quiet one who makes it to the bigtime. Lady Catherine Hardwicke steps down from her throne just long enough to deliver the goods here. I may be a sucker but I "dug" it.

Fighting The Good Fight

Cinderella Man (2005)

Starring: Russell Crowe, Andy Kauffman Directed by: Opie Howard Rating: PG-13 Genre: Drama Other

Review When roughneck sailor Russell Crowe (Russell Crowe's Gladiator) is arrested for swearing at some children he breaks away from his two jailor/sailor friends and hides himself in a boxing ring where Andy Kauffman discovers him drunkenly shadow-boxing another fighter's shadow. Kauffman quickly cashes in on the torpid dumbo, raking in thousands of dollars for each smashed face his ward can produce. But what about the big fight against the champ? Can he smash his face in? Opie Howard, now a veteran of more than 1,000 movies, has a sure touch for this kind of material, and he brings it on home with fight scenes so palpably real that you can't even tell what's going on. Loveable kook Renee Zelwegger (Bridget Jones vs. The City) once again makes us believe that if love has wings then even tubby girls can fly! All in all the kind of satisfying smackmouth adventure to lead us into a summer made glorious by this son of Rocky. Enjoy!

Sass-Pants

The Sisterhood of Pants (2005)

	Starring: Amber Tamblyn, Blake Lively Directed by: Ken Kwapis Rating: PG Genre: Drama Other
Review Giggly remake of sixties classic The Yellow Rolls Royce in which a pod of teenage girls spend the summer passing around a magical pair of pants. I'm not a psychologist, but I can't help but find the significance startlingly clear. Whatever happened to horse movies?

Hut One! Hut Two! Live!

The Longest Yard (2005)

Starring: Adam Sandeler, Burt B. Reynolds Directed by: Peter Segal Rating: PG-13 Genre: Drama Other

Review Sometimes the longest yard is the yard that's the hardest to get. It's as true in game of life as it is in the game of football. This "dramedy" about picking yourself up and dusting yourself after the kind of "hard tackles" that God (in the form of a 6'8" prison guard) can throw at you is both moving and occasionally amusing. Director Peter Segal (Jonathan Livingston Seagull) casts crinkly ex-macho guy Burt B. Reynolds (The Longest Yard) as a sad-sack con looking for one more shot at the big time. When pro football legend Adam Sandeler (Pee Wee's Big Adventure) shows up for knocking his old lady around a little bit, Reynolds latches onto him like a porcupine on another porcupine. The result? I won't spoil it for you, but let me just say that it's the most exciting and occasionally amusing football game in movie history. Not a lot of pulchritude here for those looking for female eye-candy, but I would expect gay males to find something to their liking amongst the arrayed beefcake. All should enjoy this glorious tribute to the game that only America can play to win.