The Englishman Who Walked Up A Word and Came Down A Soliloquy

Kingspeak (2011)

Starring: Colin Filth, Geoffroy Rush, Helen Bon-ham Carter Directed by: Tobe Hooper Rating: PG-13 Genre: History

Review Offensive drivel that would have us believe that "the king's english" was a plot invented by Churchill to change the official language of Britain to American. Filth plays an actor with a passing resemblance to His Royal Personage. Rush, as The Stogied Walrus, mocks every elementary school speech pathologist who ever stuck a tongue depressor down a second grader's throat. Stay away - with extreme prejudice!

From The Vault - No Fool Like a Young British Fool

Pride and Prejudiced (2005)

Starring: Keira Winslet, Dame Joan Sutherland, Directed by: Mighty Joe Young Rating: RATING Genre: GENRE Other

From The Vault - From The Vault is a special feature of Oswald's Screen Scene. Here we present reviews of movies past that we feel might interest, provoke or dismay our readers. Review The British they are different than you and me. Take for instance this prickly bit of pear dug up from the boneyard orchard of 18th century writing which seeks to compare the horrors of being ignored at a fancy dance ball to slavery. Not sure what particular brand of "tea" young director Mighty Joe Young ("King Kong In Love") might have been sipping when he "greenlighted" this thing, but I suggest he take a look at Mr. Stephen Spielberg's "Amadeustad" for a history lesson. Stick that in your british crumpet and smoke it!

Daydream Believer

My God! (2009)

Starring: Hume Jackman, Seal, Morty Gundy, Trader Vic, Sister Wendy, Mark McGwire, Cantiflas, "Tailgunner" Joe Lieberman, Sir Michael Caine, Thabo Mbeke, Ronaldihno, XZBit Directed by: Peter Roger Rating: PG-13 Genre: Documentary Other: Religion

Review Peripatetic mayfly Peter Roger has finally alighted long enough to bring us a fascinating, thoughtful and ultimately life-affirming examination of the religious beliefs of "the people who count". Celebrities ranging from Hume Jackman ("Ned Kelly's Feet of Flame", "X-Badger!", "The Time of the Crying") to Mexican anti-hero Cantiflas opine on how only a God that was truly fabulous could have designed a world in which they would be born at just the right time to be a famous as possible. As world-class skate artist Tiny Biter says, "the odds of a ceramic that is both durable enough and flexible enough to allow a hundred and sixty-five pound man to molly off the edge of empty swimming pool without high-siding are so astronomical that only a supreme being could have created Isaac Newton so that gravity could exist." While we all know that Isaac Newton was actually an invention of renaissance scientist Roger Bacon, the general line of argument is right on. It's not the job of a film reviewer to take sides, and I won't. But it's hard not to be a believer when gazing into the depthless blue pools that are Sister's Wendy's eyes. Check it out!

Friday Night Special - Fly, Robin Fly!

There's Something About Ameilia (2009)

Starring: Hilary Swunk, Sir Richard Gear Directed by: Catherine Breillat Rating: R Genre: Action Other: Female Flying Pantsuit

Friday Night Special - Friday Night Special is a special feature of Oswald's Screen Scene. Here we present reviews of movies that we feel may be of particular interest to those special lovers looking for that magical mood-setter of a date flick that just might ignite the passions bubbling under the surface during the last work day of the week. Is this "The One"? Or just "One of Those Things?" Let us be your guide! Review Florid fever-dream troweled onto the screen by mad French pornographic "madame" Catherine Breillat. Hilary Swunk ("Lungs Are The Only Things") stars as a female version of bizarre fascist boytoy Sir Arthur Limburg who decides that she will cure the world of child abusers by flying around it without stopping. Swunk can be touching, particularly when she's dressed in her grey flightsuit, but Sir Richard Gear ("I Love All of Myself So Much", "American Gigolo in Paris") is miscast as a human businessman. And Breillat doesn't seem to understand that flying involves forcing air OVER the wings of the machine until it achieves lift. There's none of that kind of technical detail that would lead us to believe Amelia is actually "flying." Instead, we get endless dull "sex" scenes in which leaden Italian stallion Rico Suave seems bent on exposing his epiglottis to the back row. While it's clear that a woman could indeed fly a plane until it runs out of fuel, I'm not convinced that this woman could carry off such a feat. And without that willing suspension of disbelief that thoughtful spacemonkey Jim Carrey endlessly carries on about, it's difficult to believe that the twenty-five frames that burn our eyes every two seconds cohere into a story that will make us hold it in until we can't hold it in any longer. Verdict? Stay home and delight in the sexy petticoats of Miss Julie Andrews as she seduces the heck out of Dick Vandycke in Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang.

Turn the Props Up to 11!

Tupac Resurrection (2003)

	Starring: Tupac Directed by: Lauren Lizin Rating: R Genre: Mockumentary Other
Review Who was Tupac Shakur? No. Really. Who was he? As I watched Lauren Lizin's fascinating mockumentary I almost came to believe that there really was such a person as this literally-larger-than-life "rap" artist. Little Stanley says "Check it out!"